Recently I was having a conversation with a member of my synagogue who had converted to Judaism some years ago. I was quite surprised when I heard her say, "I just can't part with my Christmas tree!" She went on to explain that while growing up, Christmas was the one time of the year when her family was together happily involved with each other. Nearly all the happy memories of her youth centered on the Christian holiday. The Christmas tree awakened her happiest memories. So every December she placed an undecorated, artificial tree in her bedroom out of sight of everyone except herself and her loving, understanding husband.
At first I found myself feeling that I should sternly rebuke my friend for her shocking disregard for halachah and tradition. Fortunately before I opened my big mouth, I rebuked myself! I thought of all the questionable things that I had done in my Jewish life, especially in the first few years after my conversion. For me to criticize her for her actions would have been not only unkind and unwise. It would have been hypocritical in the extreme!
Everyone who converts to Judaism from another faith tradition faces an overwhelming number of challenges both practical and emotional. Our relationships with family and friends change. Many of our fondest memories concern life events and holidays which are no longer part of our lives. This change is emotionally stressing.
Halachah (Jewish law) states that a convert becomes a totally new person at the moment his or her conversion is completed. Realistically we "new Jews" face the reality of finding out how to deal with our past, which is forever a part of who we are. For example we are commanded to honor our non-Jewish parents. We are forbidden to reject them or expel them from our live. This commandment alone poses a number of difficulties for a convert. Emotionally we face a long process of finding a place in our lives for the music, foods, and mental images that creep into our consciouness daily.
If coping with this new reality is difficult for you, I suggest a long heart-to-heart with your rabbi. It would be a very foolish thing indeed to try to surpress all of those happy moments from your memory. They are part of you. They made you who you are. Some people take longer than others to deal with personal issues. Do not think that if you still have questions or struggles with "un-Jewish" memories that you are somehow being unfaithful to your new religion. If you are doing the best you can to do what you know is right, you are a faithful Jew.
Those of us who are more secure in our Jewish selves owe it to our struggling friends and fellows to support them, not criticise them. After all we were once at that place ourselves.
Dear readers, may you all find your place of comfort and happiness in your Jewish lives. And may your memories - new and old - all be happy ones.
Related links:
Jewish Soul in a Non-Jewish Body
Becoming a Jew is an Evolving Process
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