Where Do I Start?

Whenever anyone begins a major, new project, there is always a bit of reluctance. When one determines to become a baal teshuvah or to begin the process of conversion to Judaism, he or she may become overwhelmed by the sheer size and complexity of the commitment. Soon questions begin to arise. How can I possibly learn all there is to learn? How will people react if my observance is not exactly perfect? I can't do everything all at once. Relax and take a deep breath, my friend! Before undertaking such a daunting task, let us consider what is at stake and where and how to begin.

Ask yourself, "Why?"

What is your motivation for doing this? What is the outcome you expect from your efforts? It might be that you are about to get married and there are some practical considerations. Your prospective spouse and/or future in-laws require it. If that is the case, slow down and stop! This is a major life change that you are contemplating. Experience has taught that "keeping the in-laws happy" is never motivation enough to keep a person fully committed to Jewish observance.


Then there is what I call the "New Age" motivation. Why does a celebrity like Madonna study Kabbalah? Surely she has no intention of becoming a Jew. She is attracted to the profound wisdom and insight that Kabbalah provides. Perhaps you have felt some of the great spiritual strength and moral wisdom that Torah imparts. While that is fine as far as it goes, it does not go far enough. As one of my teachers used to say, "We are not the most popular people, you know." Will mere inspiration be enough for you to be willing to sacrifice your life if - G-d forbid! - that should become the only choice?


I am certainly not judging anyone's motivation. I am hoping that I can help you to realize that this change is a complete one. I have learned that unless one is totally committed heart and soul to being a Jew, conversion will likely be a very unhappy experience and not bring the fulfillment that you are seeking.

Know what you are getting into.

Before you begin contemplating conversion, you seek as much first-hand experience as possible. Begin by regularly attending a synagogue. You don't necessarily have to attend every week, but you should go often enough to experience the worship, get to know some of the people, meet the spiritual leadership, and become comfortable in these new surroundings. While there will be some aspects that will seem quite familiar, much that you will experience will be new to you. It might even seem a little strange. Of course that is to be expected. The more you see, feel, and learn, the more you will know whether this might be the right choice that G-d has for you.


If you begin to feel "at home" in this community, attend some social, community service, educational or other events that might be available to you. Not all programs will be open to non-Jews. Don't feel slighted! There are some benefits - and responsibilities - that are Jewish only. Many communities are willing to have interested non-Jews attend some functions. Be friendly. Be open. And do not be afraid to ask questions. Remember the old saying: "The only stupid question is the one you don't ask."

Pray about it.

When approaching any major decision, you should approach it with prayer. It is a very Jewish thing to do! We call it davening. That is speaking to G-d in our own voice about our personal concerns. It is important to remember that Hashem is with you and divine guidance is a real thing. Another excellent idea is to read the Psalms. One of the many benefits of the Book of Psalms (Tehillim in Hebrew) is that the emotions of the writer comes through in each verse. These psalms were written by real people. Their experiences and feelings will be a source of support.

And finally...

If you truly believe that conversion or increased observance is right for you at this point in your life, speak to a rabbi about it. He will be able to give you guidance as to what steps you must take to begin this journey. A special word to converts: the rabbi will almost certainly not be encouraging at first. What you are about to undertake is very serious business. Rabbis are commanded by Torah to make sure that prospective converts are sincere and prepared to take on the burden of fulfilling the mitzvot. Traditionally the prospective convert is turned away three times before being allowed to proceed. If you are truly sincere about taking this step, don't let that discourage you. Learn and practice as much as you can. Have faith in G-d and the process. I can tell you from first-hand experience, it is worth the effort!


Related links:
Conversion to Judaism (Rabbinical Council)
Conversion to Judaism (My Jewish Learning)
"So You Want to Convert" (Aricle from Haaretz)