Show Up for Shabbat: Putting It All Together

Shabbat is the most wonderful day of the week! We take a break from our daily routine to refresh our souls, reconnect with God, family and friends. It is important to get Shabbat off to a good start. A synagogue near my home posted and interesting idea on their signpost. It said simply "Show up for Shabbat." The thought was to try to attract people who rarely came to services to "show up" and learn how beautiful Shabbat can be. Here is a simple plan for making Shabbat at home a memorable time. (Below I'll list some on line resources to help you learn how to plan and perform each part of the service.)

Setting up for Shabbat.

You will need two Shabbat candles in festive candle holders, a Kiddush cup for the blessing over the wine, and a tray with two challot (the special Shabbat bread, available in most grocery stores and bakeries. Make sure it is certified kosher!)

Invite Some Guests.

Having guests for Shabbat is not only a mitzvah but a great way to make the day enjoyable for all. Invite a few friends, family members or co-workers to join you for Friday night Shabbat Dinner.

Light the Shabbat Candles

Shabbat begins with the lighting of the special Shabbat candles. This is traditionally done by the Lady of the House.

Begin with Traditional Shabbat Songs.

The familiar Shabbat hymn "Shalom Aleichem" sets the mood for the evening. In some families the husband chants "Eichet Chayil," verses from Proverbs that pay honor to the wife and mother.

Bless the Children.

In most Jewish homes a special blessing is recited over boys and girls separately followed by the Priestly Blessing for all children.

Chant the Kiddush.

Traditionally it is the male head of household who chants the Kiddush, sanctifying the Shabbat over a cup of wine or grape juice.

Ritual Handwashing.

Each person goes to the sink and washes both hands in the ritual manner using a small cup to pour the water over each hand.

Blessing Over the Challot.

The meal begins with the blessing over the bread.

Enjoy a Festive Meal.

What you serve is up to you but the meal should be special for such a special day. Use your best dishes. I've included a link to provide you with some recipes to give you a start. Don't forget dessert!

Recite the "Blessing After Meals."

There are several place where you can find the text for this blessing: in your siddur, in small booklets which contain the text by itself, or at the link below.

I know that this seems like a lot of work. Well it is. As my Dad used to say, "Anything worth doing is worth doing right!" Enlist some help. Get the whole family involved. Make it a fun and exciting adventure. Most of all, enjoy the Shabbat. 

Wishing you and your loved ones "Shabbat shalom!"

Related links:
General:
What to expect at a Shabbat Dinner
What to expect (Another Viewpoint)
Candle lighting:
Candle Blessing (video)
Shabbat Candle Lighting Instructions
Songs:
Shalom Aleichem (video)
Eishet Chayil (video)
Blessing the children:
Blessing the Children
Blessing Daughters and Sons (video)
Kiddush:
How to Chant the Kiddush
Shabbat Kiddush (Video including Hebrew Text)
Hand Washing:
How to do the Ritual Hand Washing
Blessing over the Challah:
Blessing the Challah
Shabbat recipes:
"57 Shabbat Dinner Recipes You're Going to Love"
Shabbat Recipes (Joy of Kosher)
Grace after meals:
Birkat Ha'mazon: Grace after Meals

Making Havdalah

Shabbat is a day like no other. The holiness of the day, the beauty of its rituals, the refreshing and renewing experience of its rest, the re-connection with G-d, family and community and so much more make Shabbat the most significant day in the week and indeed of our lives. Therefore when Shabbat comes to an end we cannot simply walk away without a final moment of awe and reflection. The ritual with which we mark that moment is called Havdalah.

Havdalah is a simple but very powerful mitzvah which helps to prepare us to return to out everyday lives. At the same time it reminds us of the special significance of Shabbat. Through the performance of the mitzvah of Havdalah, we enable ourselves to carry some of the sanctity of Shabbat into our more mundane lives.

Havdallah is performed on Saturday evening after sunset. There are many sites where you can find the exact time to perform Havdalah in your area. (See the link below to find the time for Havdalah.) You can also check with your local rabbi.

Performing Havdalah

You will need a multi-wick candle, a container filled with fragrant spices, and a cup of wine or grape juice. Most families have a small cup of wine/grape juice for everyone present. There are many beautiful Havdalah sets available at your local Judaica store and on line. In many homes it is traditional to have family members each hold one of the various ritual objects. See links below to find the full text of the blessings.

1. Fill the cup of wine and light the candle.
2. Recite the opening blessing which begin: "Behold G-d is my deliverance..." 
3. Recite the blessing over the wine, but do not drink it yet.
4. Recite the blessing over the spices. Smell the fragrance and share the spices with all present.
5. Recite the blessing over the fire.
6. Recite the concluding blessing: "...Who makes distinction..." (hamavdil)
7. Drink most of the wine. Use the remaining portion to extinguish the flame.

Everyone then wishes each other Shavuah Tov (A good week). Many families sing the familiar melody Eliyahu HaNavi which asks Hashem to send Elijah the Prophet who will herald the coming of the Messiah and the beginning of our ultimate redemption.

As with all other ceremonies which are new to you, Havdalah will become easier with practice. Start this week. You will surely find that Havdalah will add beauty to your observance of Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom and Shavuah Tov!

Related links:

What is Havdalah?

Basic Text for Havdalah including Link for Finding Local Times

"Taking Leave of Shabbat" A Guide to Havdalah

Havdalah Blessings in Hebrew (with Transliteration)

Friday Night Lights - Shabbos Edition

Very frequently new and newly observant Jews begin their journey into Jewish life by embracing Shabbat observance. Shabbat is our most sacred day. It is a day of rest and reflection. And the rituals that accompany the Sabbath are beautifully simple and meaningful. As darkness approaches each Friday night, we begin the holy day by lighting the Shabbos candles. Here is a brief overview of the "how" and "why" of this important mitzvah.

WHO lights Shabbat candles?

The privilege and responsibility for lighting Shabbat candles is granted to the women of the home. Typically the mother will light the candles. In some homes girls below the age of Bat Mitzvah are taught how to light candles as well, but the mitzvah belongs to women who are Bat Mitzvah age or older. If no women of age are present, a man should light the candles.

WHEN are Shabbat candles lit?

Candles should be lit eighteen minutes before sunset. They should never be lit after sunset since Shabbat would already have begun and kindling a fire is prohibited on Shabbat. (See the link below to find candle lighting times for your location.)

WHAT preparations must be made for lighting the candles?

Candles should be set in a location visible to the family, preferably on a fireproof plate or tray. (Safety first! Set them out of the reach of children.) Traditionally two candles are set. Some families have a custom to add an additional candle for each child in the family. (e.g. a family with three children would light five candles.) In some communities unmarried women light only one candle in stead of two. Check with your rabbi to learn the tradition in your community.

HOW are Shabbat candles light?

When everyone is ready to greet the Shabbat, it is customary to place a few coins in a pushkah (tzedakah box) to be given to charity. Light the candles. With hands extended make a circular motion over the candles three times, the cover your eyes. Recite the proper blessing:

                       

(Courtesy: aish.com)

While your eyes are still covered, it is a good time to offer a silent prayer for your family and others who may be in need. Many siddurim have suggested prayers that would be appropriate to use. Uncover your eyes and observe the candles for a moment. Shabbat has begun!

WHY are Shabbat candles lit?

There are a number of reasons given for lighting candles for Shabbat. (a) Shabbat bring peace to the home after the chaos of the work week. The light of the candles symbolizes a peaceful, tranquil home. (b) The candles are lit to honor the day. We welcome the Shabbat Queen with sacred light. (c) 

Shabbat candles lend beauty and an air of festivity to the home on this special day.

Many other questions may arise when you begin to fulfill this mitzvah. Check the links below for more information on candles lighting. And of course you should check with your rabbi. Wishing you and your loved one's a peaceful, restful and bright Shabbos!

Related links:
To Find Candle Lighting Times
Instructions and Blessings for Lighting Shabbat Candles
How to Light Candles

Making Shabbat Special

A few years ago I was having a conversation with some friends about how we could make Shabbat special for our families, especially our children. One father's remark has stayed with me since then. "My children always know when it's Friday night," he said with a wry smile. "Shabbat is the only day when we have dessert!" I doubt that you will find his suggestion in any book of Jewish ritual, but he certainly has the right idea. In order to appreciate how special Shabbat is, the day has to be different somehow. Of course there are distinctive mitzvot (candle lighting, kiddush, etc.) and they are important by themselves. But how these mitzvot are done can be as important as simply doing them. This month I have decided to share a few suggestions that could help make Shabbat more meaningful and unique for your family.

Involve the Whole Family

There is an old saying, "You remember only 10% of what you see, but 90% of what you do." When family members participate in "making Shabbat" they are likely to both "remember" and "observe" as the Torah commands us. In my family for example, my wife and both of our daughters chant the candle blessing. My son has assumed the duty of preparing the Shabbat meal, giving Mother a well-deserved rest! When everyone has a role to play the family bonds around the Shabbat.

Our Shabbat Best

Give Shabbat Your Best

Set the table with your best dishes. Spread a white tablecloth (a symbol of purity). Have a special cup that you use only for making kiddush. Perhaps decorate the table with some flowers. Make the setting festive! If a very important guest was coming to your home, wouldn't you want to extend special hospitality? What "visitor" could be more important than the Shabbat Queen?

Do Something Different

Be creative in your observance. Learn some Shabbat songs and spend some time with the family singing and dancing on Shabbat. In good weather have a Shabbat meal outdoors, especially if you have access to a beautiful setting like a garden. Tell or read stories to your children. If your children are older, involve them in studying the weekly Torah portion. If they are grown and living on their own, invite them to spend Shabbat with you. Take a family Shabbat walk. And of course there is my son's favorite activity: the traditional Shabbat nap! 

The very nature of Shabbat is a day set apart from the usual, workday activities. It is a day to connect with G-d, with Torah and with each other. Shabbat observance doesn't have to be complicated or difficult, but it must be special. With a bit of forethought, Shabbat can the most wonderful, enjoyable day of each week. To you and your family, I wish Shabbat Shalom!

Relate Links:
Notes on Shabbat Observance (Ritualwell)
Shabbat (Judaism 101)
Shabbat.com

It Began on Shabbos

When my family and I first began exploring Judaism we discovered very quickly that there was a lot to learn. The task of becoming an observant Jewish family seemed daunting to say the least. What were we to do? I suppose we could have just given up, but for us that wasn't an option. We had experienced the richness of Jewish tradition while visiting friends and worshiping at synagogue. We wanted that for ourselves! How and where to start was the question. As my farmer friends might say, "You can't eat the whole cow at one sitting!"

We began with one simple mitzvah. My wife began lighting Shabbat candles on Friday night.

 We added a festive meal that made the day special. The Spirit of Shabbos quickly filled our home. I felt that I had to learn the Friday night Kiddush, the special prayer said over wine that sanctifies the Shabbat. One problem: the prayer is in Hebrew and the one Hebrew word I knew was "Amen!" The synagogue we attended offered a free Beginner Hebrew class, in which I enrolled. Before long I had learned just enough to be able to chant the Kiddush.

Shabbat has become the highlight of our week. My younger daughter learned how to use a calendar by counting the days until Shabbat arrived! We attend services regularly. I find the Torah service especially moving and meaningful. It has been a joy to watch my children experience the wonder and joy of Shabbos. When we make Havdalah, the short service that ends Shabbat, we feel like we have been refreshed and revived to begin a new week. There are many ways that we could have begun this spiritual journey. Thank G-d it began on Shabbos!

Suggested Links:
Shabbat at Home (Chabad)
7 Entry Steps to Shabbat (USCJ)
Shabbat (aish.com)