What Kind of Jew Are You?

During a recent conversation one young Jewish lady asked me, "What kind of Jew are you?" Of all the question people have asked me regarding my Jewish journey, this is the one I like least. I really do not like to label people. I usually give a simple, safe answer like, "I'm a traditional Jew." I find the whole process of pinning a label on a person distasteful. For some reason humans seem to have an inherent need to categorize, evaluate or derogate other humans by labeling them. Are you liberal or conservative? Orthodox, Masorti or Reform? Even these broad categorizations are not good enough for some people. Orthodox Jews, for example, are subdivided into Modern, haredi, chassidic, etc. Worst of all no one seems to be able to define even these terms in a manner agreeable to everyone. My Orthodox friends think I am Conservative; my Conservative friends swear that I'm Orthodox!

This kind of divisive definition of our fellow Jews is not only counter-productive, it is often hurtful. A ba'al teshuvah or a new Jew can become uncomfortable when being labeled as one "kind" of Jew or another. There is a danger that he (or she) will try to adapt his or her observance to fit someone else's definition of what a "good" Jew is or does. How can a newly observant Jew cope with the anxiety of being labelled in such a way?

Avoid using labels.

As much as possible, try not to define yourself - or anyone else - by which expression of Judaism you practice. We Jews should be building a sense of community not creating our own little "neighborhoods" based on our level of observance. Labels divide us. Torah unites us. Focus on learning and living Torah among your fellow Jews.

Learn and do.

It is important for every Jew to continue to study and learn Torah. Regardless of how many years one has been practicing Judaism, he has never learned it all. There is always something new to be discovered. As I have advised many people many times, find a rabbi to whom you can relate and study with him. Equally as important, practice what you know. Even if you are not certain precisely how to perform a certain ritual do it anyway. Practice may not make perfect but it does make progress.

Be comfortable being who you are.

This can be the most difficult lesson of all. It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that someone who observes certain mitzvot in a more restrictive or detailed manner is a "better" Jew. Nonsense. He may be more learned. He may follow a different minhag (tradition). But he is neither "better" nor "worse" than any other Jew. A friend of mine was once confronted by a synagogue official who berated him for his behavior in a particular situation. My friend smiled and graciously responded, "Like you, I am learning." I was impressed with that answer. All of us are (or should be) learning.

Love your fellow Jew.

Treat everyone with respect. Become an active member of a community. Visit a Jewish friend who is ill. Call someone with whom you have not spoken in a while. Share in the joys and sorrows of your fellow Jews. Do not limit your friends and acquaintances to members of one particular synagogue, movement, or neighborhood. Be a friend to every Jew. That is not to say that you should not have your own standards of observance. Live your life guided by Torah as you understand it. You do not want to judged by someone else's standard. Do not expect others to follow your way. One can be different without being divisive.

In sum, the very best way to avoid the pitfalls of living up to an ill-defined standard is to live according to Torah standards. Torah is a positive, unifying force that brings all of us closer to each other and to Hashem. Learning and practicing Torah will help you to become a confident, proud, positive Jew.

Related links:
Loving One's Fellow Jew
Understanding Our Differences
Jewish Unity