The first few times a new or newly observant Jew performs a mitzvah in public (like chanting the blessings before a Torah reading) can be unnerving. Doing anything for he first time can be stressful but one does not need to become paralyzed by a lack of confidence.
Consider this episode from the beginning of the
familiar Exodus story from Moses’ point of view. Standing in the wilderness this
stammering, stuttering man is having a conversation with the God who created
the universe with a few simple words. The Lord tells Moses that He has seen the
plight of the Israelites and will rescue them from bondage. He then informs
Moshe Rabbeinu, “I will send you to
Pharaoh and you shall free My people,
the Israelites, from Egypt.” (Exodus 3:10)
Basically
God is sending a man who has been away from the community for at least forty
years to rally the people for liberation from Egypt. The Lord is also sending
this man, a fleeing felon with a speech impediment, to the most powerful man in
the known world to demand the release of a nation of slaves. Yea, that’s going
to work! No wonder that Moses replies, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh
and free the Israelites from Egypt?” (Exodus 3: 11)
Moses is
feeling totally unprepared for the task thrust upon him. What he is asked to do
requires him to perform the impossible by using his most obvious inadequacy –
his lack of eloquence. God’s response seems counterintuitive. God doesn’t
promise to perform great miracles. Nor does He bestow supernatural abilities on
Moses. He says something far more intimate and personal. He promises, “I will
be with you.” It is this simple fact that will insure Moses’ success.
Fast forward
about three millennia or so. As a brand new member of the Jewish family, I looked
around at the wonderful new religious home I had joined and came to an
inescapable conclusion: I had nothing to offer. Four generations of my family
had been leaders in the congregations where they worshiped. Passive membership
just seemed wrong to me. It seemed that I should at least be actively
participating in the synagogue rituals. With my minimal knowledge of Hebrew and
only the most basic understanding of Jewish worship, I felt that I was
completely unprepared to stand on the bima and recite the traditional blessings.
Strange is it not that I, a person trained and experienced in public speaking,
should feel unable to speak properly?
Then one
Shabbos morning I was called to the Torah for the first time ever. Knowing that this day would come eventually, I
had practiced the brachah but I had no confidence in my ability to perform it
perfectly. Sure enough I tripped over the word “B’tocheinu” I’ll never forget that one word. I was sure everyone
noticed. After the service however I was surrounded by my fellow congregants.
Everyone extended congratulations on my excellent Hebrew! Some folks didn’t
even realize that it was my first attempt.
I learned a
valuable lesson that morning. Like Moshe Rabbeinu I had to learn that God
wasn’t concerned about my eloquence or lack thereof. He was interested in me as
an individual. I had to be freed from feeling inadequate and simply do what I
could to the best of my ability. That process started that morning. From personal experience, I can assure you that you can rely on Hashem’s promise, “I
will be with you.” Be strong. Be confident. You can do it!
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